Today sucked. Today was that day that I knew would happen, it just felt worse than I expected. Today was my resident's day off so I had more responsibility than usual. Now, I have already done this 3 other times (just the way the schedule worked out) and it actually went well those other times. What was different? Well our team had a higher number of sicker patients today. We actually only had half of the maximum number we can have (My team can have 14 patients and I can follow 10), but I was still 3 away from my maximum. What was hard was how ill the patients were. One in particular got so ill at the end of the day, I had to transfer him to the ICU. By this time of the day, my attending was gone and I was all alone. I had other residents I can ask for help, but the truth is they are busy and focused on their own things. If something went really south they'd be there, but boy it sure did feel scary. I am exhausted, I have no desire to do this again tomorrow, and frankly I am just defeated. I will try to get on to blog some good experiences soon, but I felt like whining and figured blogging it to the internet abyss sounded most therapeutic. All is well, I will feel better after some sleep. Hope to give some good stories soon!
~vaya con dios
Ben,
ReplyDeleteWe believe in you and stand behind you 1000%! You are human and I think a big part of the training you do is to push you to the limits so that you can understand what the limits are and find a way to deal with those limits when you hit them.
You don't have to be sunshine and lollipops, this is your blog and we would rather know what is really going on so we can pray specifically for you (and Jord).
Remember, that more than anything, someone wants a doctor who cares. Keep caring and we will pray for you to be sustained during those difficult times. So proud of you...sending you our love!