My doctoring conundrum

Well, I am back at work doing my regular job at Joe's after a long stretch at other hospitals, clinics, and a stint in nights. The first two weeks were really tough and I just now am feeling like I am getting used to the grind again. With these past two weeks being so tough, an old thought I have had often during this process has made its way back into the forefront of my mind.

I always feel guilty telling a patient or family member I am leaving for the day. I know it's crazy, but as a patient or loved one, do families resent the fact that I am not there to answer every question, or have every update in real time, or know every detail? As a provider, I try to learn as much as I can, as fast as I can, in as much detail as I can, but obviously there is just no way to know it all and be available at any moment's notice. I suspect patients understand this, but then I think about my response if a loved one of mine is in a healthcare setting. I wonder if my expectations change when I am looking through different glasses, when I'm on the other side. I am not really sure if my expectations get too lenient or of I expect more. I know it is unrealistic to feel guilty every time I leave work and think I should just be there. That being said, I do. And on top of that, I have come across patients and families that really do make me feel more guilty for leaving. Of course the best possible care would come from a super-human physician that required no sleep and had no life outside of the hospital that would never need to leave and knew everything in real time about every patient. Sometimes I wonder if that is in some way expected of us. Maybe the fact that I feel this way is a wake up call of sorts to myself to remember while I am re-adjusting to the grind to not lose sight of the important part in all of this.  Learning this trade is secondary. People's lives are affected every day by the many things I do in the hospital. I need to be as available as I can within reason and maintain some semblance of myself and my life so I can be effective for them. I will never be super-doc, but I can strive to be better every day.

~via con dios